Lies Denner Told Me

More Moscow adventures...

My adventure when I returned home from the bar is that my door wouldn't open. I played with the lock for 15 minutes, and the key turned, and the lock would turn, but not enough to open the door. I called Grisha, who explained to the police (who guard the entrances to the hallways), who explained to the dejournaya. She walked me back to my room, and I immediately knew it would open with her breathing over my neck. It did.

I get in my room, and my bedroom light blew out. Yes, my brand new one. And so did my vanya light. Leaving me with NO light.

So, I force myself up at 1ish to go on a walking tour with one of the SRAS directors. It was incredibly amazing, if obnoxiously cold. First we talked about 45 minutes about Russian politics which, I mean... it was fucking cold. The most interesting part about this was one Russian politician who is essentially a Stalin-like figure... a strongman. A few years ago, during a televised debate, his opponent pressed him on an issue, and refused to step down. Finally, he got so annoyed he told his bodyguard to take the opponent outside to kill him. The bodyguard then chased the man around the studio, as the cameras were rolling and the producers stood there dumbfounded.

We walked to one particular bridge, named after the former mayor of Moscow (the one that was kicked out for corruption.) This featured the "bench of reconciliation," a bench with two rings above it (wedding rings), and is curved in a U, so that a couple on it would slip to the center and snuggle. On the bridge, there are metal trees covered in locks. Couple in love write their names on the locks, then throw their keys in the water.

We stopped at a park and looked at one of the neatest statues I've ever seen. On it, blindfolded children play as the the "sins of capitalism" look down upon them hungrily. It is truly one of the most amazing statues I've ever seen. There is drug addiction (a skinny man with a giant needle), prostitution (a melting frog), bad science, child labor (a fat man with a tiny factory, featuring the tiny handprints of those trying to get out), war (a robot-looking thing in a gas mask, holding a bomb with Mickey Mouse's head), amongst other sins.
Here is a link: http://englishrussia.com/index.php/2009/03/17/the-sins-monument/

By then, we were more or less frozen, and stopped at a yummy Uzbeki place for... ok, I can't remember what it is called. Essentially meat-stuffed baked/fried eggy break. Amazing,

Next to Red Square. There, we discussed the corruption that plagues Russia. It is estimated that corruption and inefficiently raise the prices of everything here 30-100%. Land is very difficult/unprofitable to develop, so there is little restaurant space, so restaurants pretty much can name their prices. Buildings begin being built and then stand idle for years, sometimes because the owners make too much money on using the space for illegally large ads. Food from the south is expensive because the roads are barely protected, and the roads from the south are plagued by FUCKING PIRATES. Crazy shit, man.

We took a bunch of pictures of St. Basil's and the like. We decided to walk through ГУМ as opposed to walking through Red Square. OMG I AM IN LOVE. Denner described it as an upscale flea market, not a nice Western-style mall which, while a little more expensive than its American counterparts, has giant fake cherry blossoms and pretty fountains and artificial flowers at every crosswalks. We watched a bride take pictures and... God, I want wedding pictures there. A-f*ing-mazing.

Finally, we walked by the Bolshoi. We also discussed Russian culture here. While many Russians view Americans as individualistic, and only caring about themselves, we discussed Russian clan systems... Essentially, you care about your friends and your family. Russians don't usually give to charity, adopt orphans, and can even bribe their way out of vehicular manslaughter. Da.

At home, I went to borrow a lightbuld from one of the girls. On my way back to my room, I ran into a few Russians, Nikita and Sonya. Nikita asked me if we could get together, because he is working on his English for the TOEFL, to study in Colorodo next year for graduate school. We made plans to meet in the cafe.

In my room... the fucking lightbulb wouldn't work. So, I went to the cafe to finish my homework before meeting the Russians.

Once they got there, we drank tea and chatted about America for awhile... the school systems and how alcohol and cigarettes are so much more expensive (they don't believe me). For the second time on my trip, I had to explain, in very great detail, how certain words, while similar to their Russian counterparts, are NOT OK. Namely, those pertaining to race. Seriously, who the fuck taught the Russian youths the "n word?" I asked Nikita what he thought of Jews, as I knew Russians are pretty anti-Semitic. Turns out, he is Jewish, and was incredibly excited that I had good Russian friends back home.

Nikita paid for our drinks and Sonya's supper without me even noticing. Finally, one of THOSE Russians. Sonya went home, and I went to Nikita's room because, hey... no lights in mine. He showed me his pictures of Talinn while plying me with Estonia coffee liquor, and I showed him pictures of Rome and corrected his English.

I really couldn't tell if he was coming on to me or not. Usually when men pour you giant glasses of alcohol when you tell them no more, and then insist that you HAVE to finish your drink because you are in Russia now, some sort of mild seduction is afoot. But he mentioned his girlfriend twice, so... yeah, pretty confused. Finally, I insisted I go home, as I had to be up at 9 (to do more paperwork! Yay!). He walked me downstairs and talked to the dejournaya to get my lights fixed! Yay! He also challenged me to a cooking competition, but then decided I was too modest about my abilities (because I am a woman and must thus automatically be better than him) and backed down. I don't think my American food would be pleasing to a Russian palate, and I'm not even certain where to get supplies. We don't even have ovens here.

My professor never showed up for class today. This is pretty common in Russia, but is really annoying if you have to wake up, get pretty, put on make-up, blow-dry your hair (so as not to catch cold) and walk twenty minutes to class.

All of the Americans were supposed to go to a particular bar tonight, but, as there is no class Wednesday (for a national holiday) everyone is saving their livers for tomorrow night. Amateurs. Chris and I soldiered on to the one bar one of the boys got toasted at last wee... Papa's place. Essentially, on Wednesday, certain drinks (vodka shots, Long Islands, tequila shots, rum and Pepsi, Whisky and Pepsi) follow a schedule:
7pm: 4 for the price of 1
8pm: 3 for the price of one
9pm: 2 for the price of one
10pm: regular price

And it starts over again at 11. Food is also cheap... Chris and I split a 12" pizze for about $10. Also, this bar has an expat night and ladies night. Can you say favorite place EVER. So, Nikita and one of his friends met us there. We had some fun conversations, like, YET AGAIN explaining why "negra" is not an OK term in America, and how not every girl you are having sex with is your girlfriend, but you don't call such a girl your "fuck buddy" to her face. The "having sex with three or four girlfriends" thing explains Nikita coming on to me. Turns out, there were two American students and a Canadian girl sitting at the table next to us. We put our tables together and exchanged numbers. Nikita's friend invited me skiing on Wednesday... I might go, but I was also inexplicably invited to the Slovak embassy by my Polish friend, so I might do that instead. The boys spent a good deal of time plying me with 4 for 1 whisky Cokes, and Nikita did his "but you HAVE to drink it" schpeal again. Apparently he knows a better, cheaper bar we are hitting later this week.

Well, I have made it home, not dead, without being drunk enough to remotely fall for Nikita's charms. As per the title, there are a list of things Denner told us that are simply not true. I have been around Russian men and still had to pay for my own drinks/food. It is illegal to drink booze on the streets and the metro (but the bribes aren't expensive.) They rotate security in the dorms, and there are camera, making it impossible to bribe the cops. There are many more, but they escape me.

So, before we set out for the bar, I was able to get all of my lights fixed! Yay! Nikita said I was very lucky, as they usually take weeks, but the program supervisor, Marina, spoke to them, and probably got the wheels turning. I'm just a little annoyed because the first guy said I had to buy lightbulbs, but the electricians brought their own, so I now have four lightbulbs. I guess, in case they go out again.

*Something to keep in mind* One of the many things here that will shock you are the conditions of the dorms. Yes, you expect them to be smaller. But my floorboards are coming up, and I had to tape my windows shut to keep from freezing to death in my sleep. And I am in one of the nicest, newest sectors in the main building. Also, if you choose to cook, there is no pilot light, so you have to buy matches. I've cooked once... I bought what I thought was a frozen rice and veggie mixture for a side dish, but it is actually fried rice that you, well, have to fry. I didn't have oil, so I cooked it in broth and had "Surprise! It's soup!" I will soon be eating pasta with eggplant sauce, potato-filled pasta, and broccoli. Or just eat out. Its more expensive, but much quicker and easier. Try doing dishes in a tiny tiny tiny bathroom sink. Also, I finally did laundry... $11 for two loads, washed, dried and folded. Not bad for two weeks of laundry, but I imagine it'll be a bitch to do bedding... the blankies will probably be multiple loads. It's also annoying because they fill up at night, so you often have to leave them for 24 hours, or even bring them back the next day to be dropped off for those 24 hours.

Another one of Denner's lies... that you can get everything in Moscow. Still haven't found Kahlua, and Nikita said White Russians are impossible, because Russian milk (which is powdered then mixed with water) clumps when mixed with vodka. Not cool, dude. They really pull the room together.