Sunday, March 27, 2011

Moscow is an Amazing City, the World Hates Me, and How this Somehow Led to Me Licking Electrical Appliances

I went out last night with a couple of my girlfriends for a “girls night out.” I made it to the metro where we supposed to meet up at an hour early (as I was already on that side of town) so I decided to ride the metro for a while. For anyone who visits Moscow: all the metro stations on the brown line are absolutely amazing and Art Deco. I ended up a few stops down, sitting on a bench, playing a video game on my phone.

After we met up, we went to my friend Jaidy’s apartment to pre-game and hang out/get ready. Jaidy is a trip. She is a British girl teaching English here in Moscow. To let you know a bit about Jaidy’s character: she taught her students that it was ok to say “make your homework,” but then was too embarrassed to correct herself. She lives with a Fenchman named Bruno, who is by far the funniest person I have ever met. His mannerisms were that of a very drunken Borat, only it is impossible to understand what he is saying in any language.

Our little ragtag group also included Pierina, my Peruvian friend who is here with her family, and Marina, a Russian МГУ student who I had previously thought was quiet and subdued and innocent. And then we played Never Have I Ever…

After they attempted to make me chug a beer ( I wouldn’t) we took a cab to Masterskaya. We have been getting ripped off soooo badly on cabs. Grisha accepts any price he is offered (usually 400-500 p) Us girls didn’t pay more than 200 for a cab, and usually only paid 100. Masterskaya was incredibly dead, so we decided to go to Rolling Stone. After an adventure getting there (the cabbie couldn’t find it) we made it there to find it closed. A man standing outside said it would open within 10 minutes (it was approaching 1 o’clock) and claimed a man in a car than pulled up was the owner. We initially got all excited, but then were told to come back the next night. We introduced ourselves under fake names, and claimed we were all British. So we left to go to another club… there are like 5 in that area. Rai is there, but was closed to a private party. We went to the Funky Mama. Note: you have to pay to take cameras in, so, if you have one, hide it in your bra. There were two guys ahead of us, but they were sent away because it was a private party. We talked ourselves in… Who knew you’d get further being foreign and pretending not to know Russian? According to Jaidy, the three girls were Brits, I was American, and it was our last night in Moscow. After they let us in, we were told there was a cover of 400p. “What? I don’t understand what she is saying! Do you understand what she is saying?” The woman fetched some Asian man, who tried to explain it cost 400p to get in. He slipped up, and said 400 total, so we each handed here 100p. She tried to explain it was 400 apiece but “OMG. DO you understand her? I don’t know whats going on! We just want to dance! Where is the bathroom.” So she let us in.

Weird night. We were literally the only Westerners in the club, aside from some spray-tanned Russian girl with straight black hair (She looked like a skinny, tall Snooki). Everyone was Asian. Everyone. We danced for about an hour, but there were few men to dance with and the music was just odd techno.

Also, the bathroom there was the sketchiest thing I have ever seen. It was unisex, and pitch black, with a couple of red lights. I referred to it as “the sketchiest, rapiest” bathroom I have ever been in, and was pretty certain we’d walk in on someone shooting up heroin.

We left, and I went to spend the night with Pierina. She lived within walking distance, but it was cold, and we had heels on. So we paid a cab 50p to take us across the street. At home, we made pasta and joked about how ridiculous the Russian medical system is. She had gone to the hospital with mild gastritis, and they claimed she had appendicitis and brought her to a special hospital in an ambulance. She was in for a week, and they wanted to keep her another week before her parents busted her out. Her dad went in with a throat problem, and they claimed he had pneumonia and tried to keep him for 3 weeks. And I know someone who is in the hospital for 10 days having tests run. Who runs ten days of tests????

The only other thing worth noting is that Pierina's family's apartment is very nice by Moscow standards (two bedrooms, washing machine, wooden floors that are attached, separate living room) it is 1/4 of the size of the apartment of the American Embassy interns. So, once again: it is good to be American here.

On that note, Oleg is working on getting me a job here after I graduate. He thinks he can find me one with a starting salary of "at least $2500" a month. Which isn't a lot by American standards, but is pretty fucking amazing for Moscow. So, excited about that possibility. I just have to try to pay off my student loans as much as possible before then...

Which brings me to why the world hates me. After staying an Pierina's I made it back to my dorm room around 12. I had to wash and blow-dry my hair, and I didn't make it to my faculty until around 1 to start my visa paperwork. I had wanted to be there by 12, when the office opened. So, I waited to have some paperwork done, then walked across the street to pay for my visa. Next, I had to go back to the main building and bring some of the paperwork to a certain office. Fun fact... the elevator doesn't go to the 8th floor. I pressed the button, and it unlit. I was brought to the 11th floor. I tried to get in another elevator, but it brought me to the first floor when I pressed the button. Finally, I went to the 11th floor and walked down to the 8th. I probably lost a half an hour with this experiment.

I finally make it to the office I need to go to, and find they are only open 2 hours a day, 4 days a week. Guess who has class during the times they are open on Monday? The earliest I can get the paperwork taken care of us Tuesday.

I run to my room to change my coat, as it had grown colder. Spring in Moscow sucks. Oleg says he doesn't remember a Spring this bad (blizzards in late March) but I joke that just assume it is always like this here. I just hate how variable the weather is... all the snow melts, then 3 inches of snow in an hour. No ice to 6 inches of footprint-covered ice.

In my room I open my window to grab my juice off the windowsill. Completely forgetting that I had a pitcher of iced tea on the inside windowsill. It fell, the pitcher broke, and sweet tea splattered across myself and every electrical cord I own. I ended up with a wet rag trying to wipe the tea off of everything, and having to lick the wet cords to make sure I had gotten everything up. I was 45 minutes late to my history class, my laptop died as soon as I arrived (the class is so boring, I cannot physically get through it without facebook). And thats about it.

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